Clouds & clarity

This time of year in Colorado, the nightly sunsets are beautiful to watch as the clouds take on different colors.

The Weed and I are home from our trip to Boston to visit family for Thanksgiving.

We were fortunate to spend several days with loved ones, eating, drinking and playing a little too hard. It’s amazing how much food I have taken onboard in the past week. Today, on my trail run, I was cursing myself for being so ‘relaxed’ last week.

I love to travel. Visiting other states, countries always seems to make me appreciate just how fortunate I am.

I also always learn something along the way. During this trip, I learned it’s common to be awoken by shotgun blasts in the retirement community where my mother-in-law lives. Seriously. Apparently, it’s duck hunting season and many hunters were active for several days along a nearby river.

Now, I know not to be shocked when I hear shotgun blasts at 4 a.m. each morning near the Ipswich River. Sheesh.

Coming home to Colorado has been good. This time of year, it is pretty … Right before the snow piles up, the sky is a brilliant blue that is dotted a cotton candy pink each night.

Last night, I walked around the neighborhood with my head in the clouds, taking pictures of the light show Mother Nature put on. At one point, the clouds were ominous silhouettes above me. Then, a few minutes later, I was looking at giant wisps of pillowy pink.

I haven’t thought about cancer much in the past few weeks. With Bravo being so ill, I was mostly focused on him. Then, we were off to the East.

Last night, however, as the clouds captured my attention, I thought about cancer again. I thought about how much of 2017 was devoted to treatments, sick days and sleepless nights. I thought about how much my body has changed in the past few months. I have discolored skin from radiation treatments. I have new scars. I have weak muscles because of surgeries and not enough rehabilitation. (I’m working on this, though. Several elastic bands are keeping me honest.)

And, I thought about what I will do if/when the cancer returns. For months, this thought haunted my every minute. I got to the point where I was thinking about recurrence so much it seemed like I might be willing it on myself. Since, I have tried to push down those dark thoughts, tuck them behind a curtain in my brain.

Last night, though, I had a bit of clarity. Some people are born to live with challenges.

My father was born to live with debilitating diabetes. My brother was born to overcome a learning disability. My husband was born to walk around with the ugliest toes put on this Earth. Seriously, they are strange.

Perhaps, I was born to live with cancer. Perhaps, I was born to learn about this disease and help others understand it. Perhaps, this is my lot in life.

Last night as the clouds swirled above, I found some peace. I know I can’t mentally push away any future cancers. I know I can’t stop the inevitable.

What I can do is come to terms. If cancer comes calling again, I will hate it but I will accept it. I will try my damnedest to live through it again.

The possibility of Breast Cancer 3.0 scares me. I know this disease too well. It should scare anyone touched by it.

Still, I have so much to live for in this life, I will do everything I can to get past it.

•••

Bravo update: Our big dog is doing very well! Rio and Bravo spent a few days on ‘vacation’ at the animal hospital while The Weed and I traveled.

During his stay, Bravo’s appetite wasn’t great. However, we ensured he had ample varieties of food to try and no end of treats. Bravo is a pushover when it comes to Snausages. So, he ate a bit of canned food, many Snausages, and slowly started regaining his energy and goofiness.

A blood test confirmed his once highly elevated liver enzyme levels are significantly decreased.

We can tell he feels better.

When we picked up the dogs Saturday morning, Rio and Bravo trotted right up to The Weed and me. They whined a little, trying to tell us all about their time away.

The animal hospital’s staff worked really hard to help Bravo. I’m so grateful for all their love and the occasional acupuncture treatment for him.

Today, he is pretty energetic and eating more than treats. We even went on a long walk he hasn’t been able to complete for a few years.

So, I think we’re nearing the ‘Out of the Woods’ phase. I hope we are.