Of gardening and proverbs

Sprouts! Not OG Kush but heirloom tomatoes.

For Christmas, I was gifted something I never knew I needed.

The AeroGarden. The AeroGarden Harvest, to be precise. This counter-top gardening unit is meant to grow herbs and vegetables. Things that are often lacking at The Weed Estate.

As I unwrapped the gift Christmas morning, I looked at the box and proudly proclaimed to The Weed: ‘Well, we just received our first hydroponics grow kit. Guess you know where this is going…Dude! The Weed King Dispensary is a go. It’s a go, I say!’

Then, I promptly put aside the box and immersed myself in Christmas day ham and much too much prosecco.

Note: That likely will be the title of my memoir: Ham and Much Too Much Prosecco: The Life of Kelley King.

Additional note: The gauge to knowing when you’ve had much too much prosecco is really a sliding scale that goes from waking the next morning with a slight headache to waking the next morning and greeting your husband by croaking: ‘Good morning…I can’t find my pants.’

One more note: Turns out that sliding scale works with gin as well as prosecco and might have been employed more recently than Christmas 2020.

Back to the AeroGarden Harvest.

After a few days, I opened the box; read the instructions (I never read instructions. Never. Ever. For some reason, I did this time. It’s a step toward adulthood.); assembled the Harvest model; fired up the tiny hydroponics filters; inserted the probe-like seed pods; turned on the grow light; and, asked The Weed for his feedback.

This was a mistake. I should never ask my husband for his feedback. He speaks much too freely to be of any help.

The Weed: ‘For Christ’s sake! Turn that thing off. It’s like looking into the sun. I think I feel a seizure coming on.’

Me: ‘You’re fine. Live with it for a day. Besides, a little seizure never hurt anyone.’

Fast forward a few days, The Weed has not seized and we have sprouts. Not OG Kush sprouts but honest-to-goodness heirloom tomato sprouts.

I’m pretty giddy to be starting the New Year with new sprouts.

And, according to my early-morning Internet research, there’s a Chinese proverb that says: ‘Life begins the day you start a garden.’

So, that’s gotta be a good omen for 2021.

Also, I’m thinking there’s likely a proverb for losing one’s pants after a night of G&Ts but I really don’t want to know what that would portend.