Of the Divorce Closet and finding balance

Fallout from the Divorce Closet.

There’s a closet in our house that just might lead to divorce.

Yes, it’s that powerful this closet of ours.  

Last week, the Divorce Closet, technically it’s a Divorce Closet Shelving System™, crashed to the ground creating a calamitous yard sale of our winter coats, hats, gloves, and a few scarves I’ve owned since I wanted to look effortlessly European one winter in the 2010s. Additionally, all the dog leashes and ‘going outside’ accessories crashed to the ground.

Last week’s collapse was the Divorce Closet’s third similar explosion of outer wear.

Each time it has fallen to the ground, The Weed has patiently made trips, so many trips, to Home Depot to buy replacement parts like new wall anchors and screws long enough to repair hip sockets.

Each time, The Weed stands within the Divorce Closet, puzzling and puzzling, trying to figure how to put the whole thing back together again.

When he has devised his approach, the drill comes out of the garage. The screws are wrenched into the wall, and we tentatively return coats, replace boxes of gloves and hats, hang the dog leashes, and pray.

And, just when we think the Divorce Closet has been repaired in a sturdy fashion, the SOB explodes again and sends our clothes cascading across the entryway.

So, when last week’s explosion happened, and it usually happens when The Weed is at work where he can visualize me swinging from hanger to hanger like some Cirque du Soleil aerialist bent on destroying his craft, I texted him:

Me: ‘Rack in the coat closet broke.’

The Weed: ‘Great’ (No punctuation. That means he’s really steamed!)

Without a similar closet to move all of our gear to, I piled the coats, scarves, hats, and gloves on the window seat in The Weed’s nearby office.

Dear reader: This was a tactical mistake I shall never make again.

Little did I know putting our outer wear in his office and then placing the dogs’ leashes, treats, and bags in a drawer in the kitchen would create such disarray in our world.

Having to access two stations to get coats and leash up the dogs before going outside is damn near unheard of…As I’ve been told, repeatedly, in recent days.

Unfortunately, the latest eruption of the Divorce Closet came at the same time I started speaking with my doctor about some strange things going on healthwise. About a month ago, my lips started swelling. Gross. I dismissed this, thinking I had sunburned or windburned them while out in the yard.

Then, I started coughing like I smoked two packs a day. When the cough got bad enough to wake me at night, I contacted my doctor.

He immediately changed a dose of medication I take and told me to keep him informed of any changes. The coughing continued and the lip swelling got to the point where I was really concerned something else was going on.

I sent a picture of my face to the doctor, and within an hour he had called me twice and changed the medication altogether.

Turns out, I likely was having a month-long allergic reaction to a drug I’ve taken for years. So strange.

In changing the medication, I’ve spent the past few days detoxing from the drug that caused the reaction and adjusting to the new drug that has its own side effects, including: Dizziness. Blek!

All this while dealing with the fallout from the Divorce Closet.

Don’t get me wrong, I know how absolutely mundane this is. So, thankfully mundane!

It’s not like I’m an NFL coach looking to sign a quality quarterback in the offseason.

It’s not like I’m sitting in a courtroom amid a hush money criminal trial.

When the trouble in my life equates to an allergic reaction and a treacherous closet, I know I’m blessed.

Still, it’s been an unsettling few weeks.

That was until last night when the dizziness started to abate, and I was helping The Weed put up a new shelf in the Divorce Closet.

As I held the (heavy) shelf steady, he placed a handheld level on the top side. Of course, I started shaking at that point, causing the level to be, well, quite unlevel.

Eventually, my shaking hands settled, and the level came into balance.

It felt important for me to see. I know that same sense of balance will come to us soon enough.

Divorce closet and all.