Things that go SPLOOSH in the night

As the Super Pink Moon rose above the neighborhood, something ominous landed in the pond behind our house. Not. Cool. (I didn’t take this photo. It’s from someone who lives nearby. His view was better. Besides, I was entirely too worried about my personal safety to snap photos of the moon.)

I have no earthly idea what dove into the pond last night.

And, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know.

About 2 a.m. (MT), I was awakened in the guest bedroom. Yes. The guest bedroom.

I sleepwalked there after seeking refuge from the main bedroom, where The Weed, aka The Kraken of Snoring, was emitting with great vehemence.

In the guest bedroom, I was startled by a sudden and loud SPLOOSH as something gigantic cannonball’d into the pond behind our house.

I thought it was strange that something so hefty would want to take late-night laps.

I tried, unsuccessfully, to return to sleep.

Instead, I listened as the creature slapped the water and then crawled up on the bank and proceeded to growl in the most ominous of ways.

Dear Reader: This scared the hell out of me!

I jumped from the bed and with shaking hands closed the open windows, thinking the whole time that the creature below likely was ravenous for middle-aged lady meat.

Standing at the closed windows and peering out, I didn’t see any movement.

I didn’t hear any more guttural noises. (Well, my stomach was making a racket. It was awake and hungry for a late-night pizza binge.)

As the Super Pink Moon rose above the neighborhood, I could see pretty clearly below. Unfortunately—or fortunately—I never did make out what took a dip in the middle of the night.

In the next few days, an HOA-approved landscaping crew will be removing many years’ worth of overgrown trees and shrubs along the banks of the pond.

This will be good.

It will rid us of long-dead landscaping and clear away what we suspect to be North America’s largest spider nesting site. Seriously, we find spiders everywhere these days.

It will also provide better viewing of the pond. We plan to install a game camera to photograph critters visiting. At all hours.

I’m really hoping last night’s visitor was a large, angry house cat disgusted and wet rather than the very visual ‘hellcat riding a ghost deer,’ as a well-rested Weed theorized this morning when I told him about the incident.

He, of course, had the benefit of a full night’s sleep to put forward this notion of the visitor.

I, however, remain sleep-deprived and am currently Googling whether or not hellcats really exist.

•••

I’ve been asked to provide an update about the neighborhood geese, or Jerk Birds, or Cobra Chickens.

Well, things seem to be looking up (Ha!) when it comes to the federally protected, invasive, winged beasts.

For the past few days, we haven’t seen many geese at all.

It’s strangely quiet and the neighborhood sidewalks are pleasantly poop-free.

This is quite a change from the days when we would count a few dozen creatures waddling around and pooping. One goose = 3 pounds of poop/day. Insanity!

The male and female birds that seemed intent on nesting in the planters on our patio have lost interest. *KnockOnWood* They seem to have moved along for the summer.

There are a few stragglers hanging around, honking, and shaking their heads at the sky.

They are strange birds.

Hopefully, they also will be headed north soon. I worry about them joining forces with the hellcat.